Reality Check

I let it happen again. I have coveted that which I cannot have, and what's worse, I have felt ashamed of what I am because of some stupid ideal of what I think I should be. My stupid ideals. I'm sure you've had those thoughts at times too, and if you don't, then I'm proud of you. But when I have these thoughts, this is what they sound like:

- I am less than you because you are more beautiful;
- I am less worthy because you are more fit and slim;
- I am less than you because I don't have a big house like you;
- I am less than you because I can't afford the clothes on your back;
- I am less than you because I can't cook or sew or garden or knit as you so perfectly do;
- I am ashamed because I don't have your confidence, positive spirit, or happy disposition;
- I like me less because I love what you represent, the things I cannot have and never will have because they are not me.

And because those thoughts make me feel low and inadequate, I blame you who has what I covet. It's easier to blame you than to face the fact that I am the one to blame. Here's why: Everytime I long for something in me that I cannot have, I am denying who I really am, and by saying "I wish I were/I had/I could" I am slapping myself in the face and failing to embrace the gifts that I have been given. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And on a day like today when I look at other women and feel inferior because I don't have what they possess, I remember Roosevelt's words of wisdom and realize that the feeling of shame and inadequacy is mine and mine alone. No one has made me feel this way, but me.

The fabulous, wise and inspiring Eleanor Roosevelt

So today, I resolve once again, to stop coveting and focus on acceptance and gratefulness. Because I may not have the big house, but I have a big heart. I may not have fancy clothes, but I have the deepest love. I may not tend to gardens, but I care for people. I may not be slim but my body is beautiful and strong, and I have a half-marathon medal to prove. And did I mention my boobs? Well, let's just say that they're real, and they're spectacular!

Valentine's day is coming soon, so how about we all write our "Me" a nice and honest love letter. I think we deserve to tell ourselves all the great things that make "Me" so fabulous, and we should not have to wait for somebody else to let us know why we rock. I'm not saying that you shouldn't look forward to your hubby and kids singing your praises, but I think it would be an even bigger gift to your "Me" if you celebrated all that you are. Nothing more, nothing less. So go on, grab a pen and paper and let it flow. This is from you to you. No one else will be privy to it. So don't be afraid. Just write from the heart. And love yourself, no matter what.