I've never been good at setting goals for myself, and I've been even worse with keeping New Year's resolutions. Goal setting draws blanks in my mind, and when I do set a goal, I put pressure on myself to complete it and I beat myself up when I don't at which point panic sets in, I stop working towards the goal and feel like a complete failure. Resolutions feel the same, and inevitably, when I fall off the resolution wagon, I feel defeated that I have failed...yet again. So, experience makes one wiser, and tired of making myself feel like a total failure, I have decided that I will not this year have any resolutions. The term "Resolution" is so rigid and inflexible anyways, that I don't want to use it anymore. It beats down on my self-esteem and it seems to laugh at me whenever I attempt to use it ("You're gonna make a resolution again? Haven't you learned that you suck at keeping them? Didn't you vow to lose weight last year and ended up finishing the year 3 pounds heavier than last? As if YOU can keep a resolution!). So here's what I say to Resolution this year: "F.U. Resolution. I don't need you in my life. Go and harass someone else." Ah, that feels better!
One thing that struck me, though, at the stroke of midnight on January 1st, was how fun it is to take stoke of the things I accomplished last year, and to think of what I could possibly accomplish this year. The year is fresh and new, and I have 365 days to try and make my life as interesting and exciting as possible. This is opportunity I'm hoping I can take as much advantage of as I can. I do believe in evolving and making ME better and I really hope this coming year brings me experiences that will help me become a better person.
So even though I don't believe in resolutions anymore, there are some things I would like to work towards in 2012:
1. I want to work on my self-esteem and see it grow so I can be stronger than the voice of self-doubt and judgment that likes to nag at me from time to time and prevents me from loving ME.
2. I want to continue to appreciate and take care of ME, all of me, the good parts and the parts that still need working on.
3. I want to create more moments of happiness and spend less time worrying about things that don't really matter.
4. I want to spend more time laughing till my eyes cry and my belly aches, whether it be with family or friends.
5. Most of all, I want to work really hard at becoming more positive, optimistic and loving this year.
I know I can do this, and the key thing for me will be to live with intention every day. To start the morning by taking a big breath and saying: "Today I intend to be happy and to take care of ME".
Are there specific things I want to accomplish in 2012? For sure. Yes, I would like to lose weight, and I would also like to run two half-marathons this year....but honestly, the most specific thing I want to achieve is to stop beating myself up for everything I do or don't do, and to feel peace with the decisions I make.
I look forward to the opportunities this year will bring and to look back with a smile and feel proud for the things I did accomplish. Have a Happy New Year everyone. May it bring you and your family happiness, love and success.