The Happiness Project Day by Day

"The days are long, but the years are short." Isn't that the truth? As I grumble about winter, and days that sometimes stretch on forever, I am also often reminded at how quickly it all happens and how my memory is often sketchy about things that I once thought I would never forget. There are glimpses of my kids childhood that draw blanks when I try to remember them, and yet I swore I would recall every little thing about their life. I have been home with them for almost 12 years, so you think I'd have a grand opportunity to remember all the details of their life as they grew up? Not so much. I also was never disciplined enough to record their daily achievements/tantrums/plain funnies in a perfectly and gorgeously bound journal. If only I had started blogging then!

This year, they will turn 12, 10 and 7, and though the grey hairs starting to sprout on my head are a testament to this timespan, I am often shocked into realizing just how quickly it is all going, and how little I remember of the day to day. This doesn't just go for watching my kids life happen on the fast lane, but I am also more aware of how quickly my own life is going by, and call it a reaction to aging, but I find that I want to record more and more of it as it happens. The thing is, I've never been a journal keeper. I have often felt overwhelmed by a blank page on a journal, and though I admire friends who have kept journal for years and can look back and see how far they've come, it isn't so for me.

As I have a tendency to focus on the negative, I also want to record the good things that I accomplish so I can realize with words on paper all the good things that happen daily and not let the quick and fleeting moments of happiness be burried down under my feelings of frustration, anger and just plain grumpiness. Choosing to find and focus on the bits of happiness found in the day to day, might just be the solution to keeping the nasty feelings at bay? Quite possibly, but taking the time to record and put those happy bits on paper once a day is an affirmation of that choice to choose happiness against negativity, and that really is a sure-fire way to make ME happy.

I had been pondering on all this, how to choose happiness and shut up the nonsense that sometimes goes on in my head when I received this from a very thoughtful friend:

This little treasure happens to be the best compromise between journal writing....and not writing. It's not a blank page that causes me to clam, it's not a gratitude journal that requests for a minimum of five things that you're grateful for in a day (because there are days when it's hard to come up with five things!), it's simply a one-sentence journal that's got me excited! It's a great and easy way to keep track of your day-to-day highlights, and each page contains 5 possible entries for five consecutive years, so that at the end of the five years, you end up with a great collection of the moments you lived.

Getting this quicky journal made me really, really happy and I absolutely love it. This journal was created by Gretchen Rubin, author of "The Happiness Project". The book is fantastic, her website has great tips, inspiring quotes and videos, and this little journal is the icing on the cake. It didn't take me long to fill today's entry...just under a minute actually! If that's the only thing I can do for ME today, then I will be content. Some days, you just don't need much to feel that you've done something worthwile for your ME that brings lasting happiness for the rest of the day!

Wishing you lots of happiness and as much ME time as you can bank today and every day!

Beautiful pictures make ME happy!

When I think about some of the things that truly make ME happy, then beautiful pictures are high on the list. I love taking pictures whenever I get a chance, and I enjoy certain blogs specifically for the pictures they contain (www.dooce.com and www.kellehamptom.com). I love how pictures can trigger profound emotions, bring back memories, and capture so easily and eloquently images of things and people that even the most powerful words would fail to describe. I am by no means a professional photographer, but when I am able to snap a picture at the right moment, under the right light, and without disturbing the mood, and then look at the picture and see that I've somehow managed to get "IT", then I experience profound happiness and pride.

A few weeks ago, when we took the kids to the Tree farm to find our Christmas tree, the conditions were perfect to allow me to snap some really fun pictures. The sun was shining bright, the weather warm, the colours spectacular, and with pure glee, I just put my fingers down on the button and went "trigger" happy. I love digital cameras for this. I remember in the olden days (dear God!) when I used to only have films, I would be scared to take pictures and run out of film. One of my biggest photographic disappointments were pictures I took after Logan's birth. I had bought black and white film to try and get some nice pictures, but they all turned dark and ugly...despite the very cute subject. So when I went all digital, I experienced freedom from the ever-present worry of "wasting the film" and not getting "the right one". It's not uncommon for me to take many, many pictures at a time in the hopes that I might get "THE" photo.

When I came home from the tree farm and looked over the more than a hundred photos I took that day, I found this one and I knew, that somehow, I had gotten "IT" that day.

I can't put my finger on what it is exactly about this picture that speaks so much to me, but I think it's a combination of a few things: the fact that all three kids are just being natural and nothing is posed, that it represents a moment when they are getting along and enjoying being together. At the same time, it is full of colours and it feels very warm, the perfect representation of a fun day spent together. This picture is the best one that I've taken in a long time and it has become my favourite. And I think what I love the most about it, is that every time I look at it, I smile and I am happy.

I'll be sharing more pictures in the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!  

Happy New Year to ME!

I've never been good at setting goals for myself, and I've been even worse with keeping New Year's resolutions. Goal setting draws blanks in my mind, and when I do set a goal, I put pressure on myself to complete it and I beat myself up when I don't at which point panic sets in, I stop working towards the goal and feel like a complete failure. Resolutions feel the same, and inevitably, when I fall off the resolution wagon, I feel defeated that I have failed...yet again. So, experience makes one wiser, and tired of making myself feel like a total failure, I have decided that I will not this year have any resolutions. The term "Resolution" is so rigid and inflexible anyways, that I don't want to use it anymore. It beats down on my self-esteem and it seems to laugh at me whenever I attempt to use it ("You're gonna make a resolution again? Haven't you learned that you suck at keeping them? Didn't you vow to lose weight last year and ended up finishing the year 3 pounds heavier than last? As if YOU can keep a resolution!). So here's what I say to Resolution this year: "F.U. Resolution. I don't need you in my life. Go and harass someone else." Ah, that feels better!

One thing that struck me, though, at the stroke of midnight on January 1st, was how fun it is to take stoke of the things I accomplished last year, and to think of what I could possibly accomplish this year. The year is fresh and new, and I have 365 days to try and make my life as interesting and exciting as possible. This is opportunity I'm hoping I can take as much advantage of as I can. I do believe in evolving and making ME better and I really hope this coming year brings me experiences that will help me become a better person.

So even though I don't believe in resolutions anymore, there are some things I would like to work towards in 2012:

1. I want to work on my self-esteem and see it grow so I can be stronger than the voice of self-doubt and judgment that likes to nag at me from time to time and prevents me from loving ME.

2. I want to continue to appreciate and take care of ME, all of me, the good parts and the parts that still need working on.

3. I want to create more moments of happiness and spend less time worrying about things that don't really matter.

4. I want to spend more time laughing till my eyes cry and my belly aches, whether it be with family or friends.

5. Most of all, I want to work really hard at becoming more positive, optimistic and loving this year.

I know I can do this, and the key thing for me will be to live with intention every day. To start the morning by taking a big breath and saying: "Today I intend to be happy and to take care of ME".

Are there specific things I want to accomplish in 2012? For sure. Yes, I would like to lose weight, and I would also like to run two half-marathons this year....but honestly, the most specific thing I want to achieve is to stop beating myself up for everything I do or don't do, and to feel peace with the decisions I make.

I look forward to the opportunities this year will bring and to look back with a smile and feel proud for the things I did accomplish. Have a Happy New Year everyone. May it bring you and your family happiness, love and success.

Bucket List

A friend of mine got to scratch an item off of her bucket list yesterday and I'm very, very happy for her. A bucket list is simply a list of things you'd like to do "one day" in your life. They can be lifelong dreams, hopes and aspirations that you write down without censorship. Writing a bucket list is a very important time investment for your "Me" because it give voice to the inner child in you that is not afraid to dream big and hope one day to see that dream come true.

A typical bucket list. Handwritten is always better because it lets your personality shine.

But here's the thing: writing the list is only step one. Once you have written the bucket list, then you owe it to yourself to put action to words and tackle the items one at a time. In our busy every day life, it's easy to put dreams and aspirations aside in order to deal with the now. The problem is that if you let the every day swallow every moment of your life, you will never get to scratch off an item of your list, and realize, too late, that you dreams will never happen. If you really want to make your "Me" happy, then you must take some time to make sure that every day becomes an opportunity to make your dreams come true. Doing that also gives you a lifeline to remember that going through the motions of the every day is not all there is about life. It reminds you that amidst the daily chaos, there is a silver lining of opportunity to make the every day purposeful and to making your life an objective to achieving all that you desire.

The best part of making a bucket list? Getting to scratch off the items one by one and knowing that YOU are the reason behind this accomplishment. Fulfillment, happiness and confidence can only soar higher when you set out to make your dreams happen, and you live to tell about it. After all, you've just proven to yourself that anything is possible, and that if you believe firmly in your dream, you can overcome any obstacles that might stand in your way.

So grab a piece of paper and write down everything you're hoping for in this lifetime. There is no right or wrong dream. The point of dreaming and making a bucket list is that anything is possible. So go ahead and write it down. Once you are done, put your  bucket list in a place that you will see everyday and that is easily accessible so you can add to it, or better yet, scratch items off. Then choose one thing that is most important to you and make a commitment to make it happen. If it seems overwhelming, break down it down in steps and tackle one step at a time. Give yourself a deadline! Without deadline, we are only driftwood floating without objective or direction. Or in other words, a deadline is a friendly kick-in-the-butt that keeps us focused and on track. When your dream is about to come true, soak every moment in and live it fully. One thing my friend also remembered is to live the experience without expectations. Just go and experience it for what it is. Take lots of pictures for posterity. You might also want to create a bucket list scrapbook and dedicate a page to each item on your list. You can add pictures and favourite moments.

Take some time for yourself today to start thinking about your bucket list and write down some items on it. It will make you happy just knowing that having a dream and making it happen is something that will make your "Me" very, very fulfilled.

Want to make your "Me" happy? Stop taking things personally

The kids and I were having lunch today when I announced to them that from tomorrow until Sunday, Daddy will be taking care of them because I'm taking a 3-day workshop. As soon as I told them the news, the kids broke out in cheers and applause. "Yay! Daddy's going to take care of us!" they said, followed by Logan's comment of "It's not that we don't like you Mom, but we love Daddy a little more."

Years ago, this type of comment would have crushed me. I mean, after all I've done for these kids, you'd think I'd have the upper-hand in the love department, right? Not so! I have realized that I take things way too personally and sometimes without any reason. It's my interpretation of the events, not the events themselves that are causing me grief.

Take my kids for example, when they state that they like their daddy more, I know why they feel that way. Daddy's fun. Daddy isn't home all the time, so when he is, his presence is exotic. It's not that they don't appreciate me being around, but I'm around so much, I've become part of the furniture. I've come to terms with this and I now know that when my kids say they like Daddy more, it doesn't mean I'm not important to them. It's a different kind of love and I no longer take it personally.

How often do you take things personally? I think people who take things personally are people who are extremely kind and sensitive and try their best to always do the right thing....to please others or to prove to themselves that they are worthy. Taking things personally can be a sign of great vulnerability and lack of confidence, but you know what, there is no shame in that. What you have to realize is that most often, the people who intimidate us or who we're most worried about offending for fear they won't love us or appreciate us, actually don't necessarily think about us at all. And that's the key thing here. As my very good friend Julie once told me, "What makes you think you're so important that people will actually take some of their precious time to think about you at all?" This was one of the best statement I had ever heard because the reality is that I'm not so important to these people's lives that they would actually think about me, or what I had done that much. Most of the time, their reaction is based on something that's happening in their lives and has nothing to do with you at all. I would actually bet, that in most cases where we take things personally, it's never really about Me at all, but simply about them. Our ego has a hard time accepting that one!

The problem is that when we take things personally, we're only hurting ourselves. Self-doubt, anxiety, anger, sadness, betrayal, hurt, are painful emotions that get triggered when we take things personally, and the culprit in all this? Not the person's message or words, but our own (false) interpretation of those words. Even if those words are true, we still have a choice: either we take them personally and give the words the power to hurt and hammer us, or we choose to stand up for ourselves and ignore the words that were spoken. So what will you choose for your "Me"?

I'd like you to choose to stand up for yourself and try to no longer take anything personally. Your happiness depends on it. If you're having a hard time not taking things personally, here are a few things you can do:

1. Make sure you truly understand the message: I often find that a lot of hurt is caused by miscommunication and misunderstanding of the situation. Clarifying what was said so you really understand the cause of the criticism or comment will sometimes help you realize that it has actually nothing to do with you.

2. If you get the message by e-mail, text or other electronic devices (Facebook), ignore it until you can speak to the person face to face. I've heard many stories of people being taken aback by e-mails they received when it turns out that the author of the e-mail was in a hurry and didn't pay attention to the way the e-mail was written. Always clarify in person or over the phone.

3. Sit with it. If you are taking things personally, before you do anything, take some time to analyze your reaction. Ask yourself: "Is it my perception?" "What makes me think this is something I should take personally?" "Am I right?" and most importantly, put yourself in the other person's shoes and see if this is about their life situation, and not at all about you.

4. Remind yourself that you can choose to focus on this and make yourself miserable, or you can choose to let it go. It's hard to let it go, because deep down, we really want to know if it was about us. We want to know if we did something wrong but we're really hoping we didn't and that the person actually thinks we're great and wonderful. By choosing to let it go, you are demonstrating to yourself that you are worthy and wonderful and you don't need anyone's validation to prove it.

Finally remember that there are times in your life when you are more sensitive because you're stressed, tired, anxious, etc...When you're vulnerable, you're more likely to take things personally when there is no reason to. So be aware of how you are feeling, and if you think that your "Me" is not feeling great, then give yourself permission to nurture yourself back to feeling good before you address the situation again.

It's hard not to take things personally, but it's really important to try your best not to. It's the best thing you can do for your "Me".

What have you done for your "Me" today?

Narcissistic, Selfish or just Plain Genius?

It's taken me some time to work up the courage to create this new blog. After all, who would be interested in reading the adventures of someone devoted to spending a whole lot of time working on her very important self?  Who would care? And why would I be doing this in the first place? Sharing my intimate mental conversations with myself and what I do to make "Me" feel good no matter what the day brings might be just plain boring and unappealing to the masses.

But then again maybe not. After all, I believe that I am one of many women who consistently puts herself last on the to-do list, who has lost a sense of who she is under the pile of obligations, and who spends most days waging a war in her head between satisfying her needs versus that of others. If I'm right about this, then maybe my efforts at trying to put my "Me" back front and centre day after day can inspire other women (and maybe men) to do the same for themselves. Because, though it may sound narcisstic to want to spend a whole lot of time caring for "me", the reality is, as the eminent Dr Phil says: "If Mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Now, I'm not a big fan of Dr Phil, but this is one statement that rings profoundly true to me.

My resolution this year, and at the onset of this journey, is to treat myself as though I would treat my best friend. Have you noticed how nice and generous we can be to the people we love most, and even to perfect strangers? We spend hours on end giving our whole to the benefit of others, without realizing that the person that needs nurturing the most is the "me" inside us. I have been a nurturer and a pleaser for most of my adult life. I did it with love, without restraint, I gave it my whole. In the process, I forgot about "Me". Physically, this has meant weight gain, body image issues and a slow descent into physical self-loathing. Emotionally, it has lead to frustrations, anger, anxiety and the feeling of being drained and having nothing left to give. And that, here, is the heart of the matter my friends: if you give out too much without putting anything in, your burn out and have nothing left to give.

So the journey on the path of learning the best ways to love, nurture and appreciate the "me" inside, is neither narcissistic nor selfish. In my humble opinion, it is plain and pure genius. Every day, I resolve to do one thing to take care of me and I will share my daily act of self-kindness. I'll be looking for ideas too, so don't be shy and help me out.

I hope that this journey will help me rediscover the great person that I am and in the process I know that by treating "me" with love and respect, it will make me a better wife, mother, daughter and friend.

Today's act of "Me" kindness: writing this blog. I very often let fear come in the way of achieving even the most simple of tasks, because I lack self-confidence. I often don't trust in my own power and prefer to let my worries over what others will think dominate my desire to do something just because it makes me happy. Each little step that I take in combating that fear brings me closer to my authentic "me" who wants to soar and be successful. So tonight's blog creation and blog entry is a defiant action to let go of self-reducing fears and choose to let "me" soar once again.

How about you? What have you done for your "me" today?