The Rat Race....and ME...

About 10 days ago, in the midst of Christmas vacations, when everything had slowed down for us and we just enjoyed being, I made a promise to myself that no matter what, I wouldn't let myself be caught in the rat race again once our daily routine returned. I was hoping I could find pockets of time where I could take the time to breathe, slow the pace down, and appreciate quiet moments in our busy life.

A week into our every day, and I'm catching my breath. Last week was the first week back of school, dance, client meetings, gymnastics, hurried suppers, late nights, and round we go again at the dawn of the day. It didn't take long to feel that I was going through the motions and trying (failing) to slow down the pace.

It seems like it was all "go-go-go" with rarely a "slow-slow-slow". Don't get me wrong, in that I feel privileged and fortunate to have such a busy, full life. I'm happy that my kids are so involved in activities they love and I don't mind playing taxi. I volunteer for a few organizations that I love to be a part of. And I don't mind saying "no" to obligatoins when it feels too much and I need to catch my breath.

What bothers me is the feeling I have that I'm constantly spinning, or running in my wheel like a hamster, expanding huge amounts of energy just to try and keep up with life. Maybe it's a sign that I don't feel in control of the pace, and so the question is, how do I get that feeling back.

I've accepted that my kids are at a stage when they are busy, and so my life isn't going to slow down for quite some time yet. That's fine. But I don't want to get so caught up in the motion that I stop noticing the moments that make life meaningful and fun, and rich and beautiful. I don't want life to go by so fast, because we're so busy, that I look back at the end thinking "I'm done already?" Because I have noticed that the years feel shorter and shorter, and as I age and think of my youth and early adulthood, I think "seriously, already".  I want to feel that I have lived every day to its fullest, savouring the passing of time, delecting in the seconds that pass and feeling satisfied at the end of the day, rather than simply go through the rat race, at a crazy pace, not realizing that while I'm busy keeping up with the day, I forget that life is happening around me.

So. What's a girl to do with that dilemma? Accepting that life is busy while living it to the fullest and not letting the rat race take over? How do I keep my ME from being swallowed by the daily grind? I think it happens by reminding myself every day to try and create some pockets of time just for ME. From connecting with my body, rather than staying in my head, by feeling the chair that I sit on, savouring the bites of food and the flavours that I taste, and whenever I can, affirming that I can slow the pace down in little moments taken here and there through the day. It's a conscious shift of perspective that I need to remind myself to do in order to keep my head above the current. It's do-able, and it needs to be a priority, daily. I might even try praying once a day, to see if connecting with a higher power, can somehow help me feel more peaceful and settled, rather than rushed and overwhelmed.

Enter today. An opportunity to slow down, with no appointments. A chance to clean up my desk and catch up on administrative duties. A happy day, where my efforts are taking care of myself are starting to pay off. And at 3 p.m., a calm Mom ready to face the afternoon business. Until.....Logan arrived home with a tooth trauma, as a result of a face-plant on an icy patch of the school yard. A mad rush to the dentist. A return home to Jaime going with Tyler to dance, a quick makeshift supper of soft foods for the boy....and now that quiet has returned, a beer and writing this blog...for ME. A thirty-minutes pocket of time I am grateful to have gotten. Sure I was supposed to go workout while Jaime went dancing (my routine), but in the light of today's event, even though I felt a bit guilty, I decided that what I needed most was quiet, writing, and simply put, a chance to slow things down a bit.

The Happiness Project Day by Day

"The days are long, but the years are short." Isn't that the truth? As I grumble about winter, and days that sometimes stretch on forever, I am also often reminded at how quickly it all happens and how my memory is often sketchy about things that I once thought I would never forget. There are glimpses of my kids childhood that draw blanks when I try to remember them, and yet I swore I would recall every little thing about their life. I have been home with them for almost 12 years, so you think I'd have a grand opportunity to remember all the details of their life as they grew up? Not so much. I also was never disciplined enough to record their daily achievements/tantrums/plain funnies in a perfectly and gorgeously bound journal. If only I had started blogging then!

This year, they will turn 12, 10 and 7, and though the grey hairs starting to sprout on my head are a testament to this timespan, I am often shocked into realizing just how quickly it is all going, and how little I remember of the day to day. This doesn't just go for watching my kids life happen on the fast lane, but I am also more aware of how quickly my own life is going by, and call it a reaction to aging, but I find that I want to record more and more of it as it happens. The thing is, I've never been a journal keeper. I have often felt overwhelmed by a blank page on a journal, and though I admire friends who have kept journal for years and can look back and see how far they've come, it isn't so for me.

As I have a tendency to focus on the negative, I also want to record the good things that I accomplish so I can realize with words on paper all the good things that happen daily and not let the quick and fleeting moments of happiness be burried down under my feelings of frustration, anger and just plain grumpiness. Choosing to find and focus on the bits of happiness found in the day to day, might just be the solution to keeping the nasty feelings at bay? Quite possibly, but taking the time to record and put those happy bits on paper once a day is an affirmation of that choice to choose happiness against negativity, and that really is a sure-fire way to make ME happy.

I had been pondering on all this, how to choose happiness and shut up the nonsense that sometimes goes on in my head when I received this from a very thoughtful friend:

This little treasure happens to be the best compromise between journal writing....and not writing. It's not a blank page that causes me to clam, it's not a gratitude journal that requests for a minimum of five things that you're grateful for in a day (because there are days when it's hard to come up with five things!), it's simply a one-sentence journal that's got me excited! It's a great and easy way to keep track of your day-to-day highlights, and each page contains 5 possible entries for five consecutive years, so that at the end of the five years, you end up with a great collection of the moments you lived.

Getting this quicky journal made me really, really happy and I absolutely love it. This journal was created by Gretchen Rubin, author of "The Happiness Project". The book is fantastic, her website has great tips, inspiring quotes and videos, and this little journal is the icing on the cake. It didn't take me long to fill today's entry...just under a minute actually! If that's the only thing I can do for ME today, then I will be content. Some days, you just don't need much to feel that you've done something worthwile for your ME that brings lasting happiness for the rest of the day!

Wishing you lots of happiness and as much ME time as you can bank today and every day!