"I've learned that loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other. It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world - our own self-worth" (Book of Awakenings by Mark Nepo. January 25th)
On Tuesday, while folding laundry, I put on the Oprah show. It was a retrospective show on the evolution of the discourse on being gay and coming out over the 20 years of the Oprah show. It spanned the changes in the public discourse from when "being gay" was taboo and shunned, to the present time when the public discourse is more focused on acceptance and an open dialogue. What allowed the evolution of the discourse was the courage of many individuals, including high-profile celebrities, to speak out and come out about being gay. One such individual featured on the Oprah show was Greg Louganis, who in 1995, chose to live an authentic life by coming out publicly and announcing that he was also HIV positive. At the time of his interview with Oprah in 1995, he said that his reasons for coming out were that he was tired of living life as a fake, constantly having to edit himself, and living with the fear that "How could anybody accept me if they really knew me." But after many years of living as a "fake" and hiding of his true self, Louganis realized that he wanted to live his life "openly and with honesty".
When Louganis came out as an openly gay male, he mostly did so for himself, in order to live authentically no matter what the reaction from others would be. By choosing courage over fear, he declared that he was worthy just as he was. What he didn't know was that his courage would inspire others to live an authentic life. On Tuesday's show, Oprah talked about a young man, Michael, who was 12 years old when Greg Louganis appeared on the 1995 show. When Michael heard Louganis speak about the reasons for his coming out and the need to live life authentically, he realized that being gay still meant that you were worthy of love and was no longer something to be feared. "I'd never seen another gay person. I thought I was the only one." Validation, inspiration, love and self-worth, were gifts that Louganis gave this young boy that day that allowed him to live a life without questioning his self-worth in the world and without fear of the day when he came out. He talked about how his mother asked him "Do you think you're gay?" and his response was "No, Mom. I don't think I'm gay. I know I'm gay." That is the response of a confident, self-assured young man.
Watching this show and the story of Louganis and Michael was a joy for me. It really showed how beneficial it is for your "self" to embrace who you are and to live your life with authenticity. It takes great courage to embrace our differences, our weaknesses, our vulnerability and expose them to others, but it is necessary to do so if we hope to live a life of authenticity, rather than a fake life in which we desperately try to morph into the socially-accepted norm in order to fit in.
By the way, as Dr Brené Brown explains in the video from my previous post, the word Courage from it's linguistic roots means "telling the story of who you are with your whole heart." Dr Brown also realized that the happiest people are those who "were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were (....) who fully embraced their vulnerability because they realized that "what made them vulnerable is also what made them beautiful."
So don't be afraid to spread your wings, embrace who you are, and shout it to the world. You happiness will be increase and you might become a role model who inspires others to do the same.
What are you going to do for your "Me" today?
2012 is a year full of opportunity for ME!
Showing posts with label authentic self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label authentic self. Show all posts
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Just be "Me"!
When was the last time you were really being your authentic self? If you're taking more than a few seconds to remember, then you might be in need of reclaiming your true "Me". Most days, we are all putting on an act to "be" someone that we might not necessarily be in order to fit in, or to pretend to "be" a certain way so as to not offend others. From putting a smile on our face when we really feel low, or saying "yes" when we really feel like "no". The problem is that every time we define ourselves to meet other's expectations, we lose our identity. So who is your real "Me"?
I've been struggling to define who my real "Me" is for the last year ever since I realized that I have spent many years trying to morph into a person that I wasn't. I was trying so hard to be like other people because I really wanted to "be" the person that I admire in them. One of my friend is an avid gardener and I admire the beauty of her gardens. I tried to garden and like it too, but I realize that I'm not and never will be a gardener. It's just not "Me". Diddo with many other things. Through the self-discovery process I started this year, I have realized how much of me is also defined by what I think other people would like me to be. Trying to love the same things as some of my friends so that they will love me and think I am worthy has been my guiding principle for a long time. But I have now realized that it's ok for me not to be like anyone else, and more important that no matter who "Me" is, I am worthy, I am special, and I am lovable for who I am. Making the decision to just be "Me" is liberating and empowering. So the question now is "What makes me "Me"?
At this point, I'm still trying to figure "Me" out, but a good starting point was to say, what do I truly like? What makes "Me" happy? What brings "Me" joy? Here's a short list of my "Me". It's an ever evolving list that I'm excited to compile as I start falling in love with "Me" again.
1. I am a reader
2. I am a food lover
3. I am a runner
4. I am a great friend
5. I am not a gardener (and that's ok)
6. I am not a homemaker (and that's ok too)
7. I love to sing and dance in my house, in my car
8. I am a dreamer
9. I am a mother
10. I am a wife
There are many more things that make "Me" a great person. What about you? Have you ever thought of writing down what makes you "You"? Try it, it's enlightening. In determining what makes you "You", it's important to listen to your gut feelings. If your head tells you that you really love gardening, but every time you see a spade, you feel deep down that you'd rather be running a half-marathon than playing in dirt, then listen to your gut reaction. It's ok to be different, and actually it's pretty awesome because by being different, we are all bringing into the world a very special piece that nobody else has.
Once you have started reconnecting with who you really are, then "BE" that person all the time. Honour the fact that what you are is different from others, and that it's ok. When you are truly acting like yourself, and really loving who you are, then it won't matter what others think or whether they will love you. If you love your "Me" then you won't need the validation of others to make you feel worthy and lovable. In a 1986 song by Whitney Houston titled "Greatest Love of All", the chorus declares that "Learning to love yourself/It is the greatest love of all." I couldn't agree more.
What I have done for "Me" so far today? I've lived in the moment, enjoyed a peaceful house, exercised and spent some time thinking about "Me". How about you? What have you done for your "Me" today?
I've been struggling to define who my real "Me" is for the last year ever since I realized that I have spent many years trying to morph into a person that I wasn't. I was trying so hard to be like other people because I really wanted to "be" the person that I admire in them. One of my friend is an avid gardener and I admire the beauty of her gardens. I tried to garden and like it too, but I realize that I'm not and never will be a gardener. It's just not "Me". Diddo with many other things. Through the self-discovery process I started this year, I have realized how much of me is also defined by what I think other people would like me to be. Trying to love the same things as some of my friends so that they will love me and think I am worthy has been my guiding principle for a long time. But I have now realized that it's ok for me not to be like anyone else, and more important that no matter who "Me" is, I am worthy, I am special, and I am lovable for who I am. Making the decision to just be "Me" is liberating and empowering. So the question now is "What makes me "Me"?
At this point, I'm still trying to figure "Me" out, but a good starting point was to say, what do I truly like? What makes "Me" happy? What brings "Me" joy? Here's a short list of my "Me". It's an ever evolving list that I'm excited to compile as I start falling in love with "Me" again.
1. I am a reader
2. I am a food lover
3. I am a runner
4. I am a great friend
5. I am not a gardener (and that's ok)
6. I am not a homemaker (and that's ok too)
7. I love to sing and dance in my house, in my car
8. I am a dreamer
9. I am a mother
10. I am a wife
There are many more things that make "Me" a great person. What about you? Have you ever thought of writing down what makes you "You"? Try it, it's enlightening. In determining what makes you "You", it's important to listen to your gut feelings. If your head tells you that you really love gardening, but every time you see a spade, you feel deep down that you'd rather be running a half-marathon than playing in dirt, then listen to your gut reaction. It's ok to be different, and actually it's pretty awesome because by being different, we are all bringing into the world a very special piece that nobody else has.
Once you have started reconnecting with who you really are, then "BE" that person all the time. Honour the fact that what you are is different from others, and that it's ok. When you are truly acting like yourself, and really loving who you are, then it won't matter what others think or whether they will love you. If you love your "Me" then you won't need the validation of others to make you feel worthy and lovable. In a 1986 song by Whitney Houston titled "Greatest Love of All", the chorus declares that "Learning to love yourself/It is the greatest love of all." I couldn't agree more.
What I have done for "Me" so far today? I've lived in the moment, enjoyed a peaceful house, exercised and spent some time thinking about "Me". How about you? What have you done for your "Me" today?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)